Considering the tremendous gifts God has given me, I feel it is imperative that I quickly share our story with you, in the event that you don't already know it, of course.
In March 2007, my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child. We were elated, however on June 1, we lost that baby. We were both devastated, and I had a lot of trouble dealing with that loss. I was depressed and felt tremendous guilt even though I knew there was nothing I could have done. It would take us five months to get pregnant again, and we would only experience a week of joy before we would lose that baby as well. After that loss, I became extremely depressed. I had never experienced darkness like that before. I had become a believer in Christ as a small child, and I had experienced few challenges in my life up until that point. November and December were terrible months that year, filled with tears and pain and loneliness. At the end of December, I finally realized that I had become a sad, cynical person, not the person I was created to be, not the person I wanted to be, but I wasn't sure how to fix things. I remember that morning so clearly, telling God that I didn't want to live like that anymore, that my pain was more than I could handle, and I needed Him to rescue me, to change me, and. . . He did! A huge weight lifted and unexplainable joy filled my heart.
I still grieve for my loss today, and I look forward to someday meeting the children I never got to know on this earth, however, I can honestly tell you that I know my God and Savior better today, than ever before. Through my circumstances, I finally had to admit that there are things in this world that I cannot control, and there are trials that come that I simply cannot handle alone. I also now know for sure that my God is a God who saves!
Through January and February of 2008, God continued to work in my life, and on February 23, Matt and I found out we were pregnant again. Friends and family prayed continuously with us over the next eight months. On October 23, we welcomed our precious blessing, Ellianna. Ellianna means, God has answered.
Yay! What a perfect picture for this blogpost. It reminds me of the song "he's got the little bitty baby, in his hands." Love you!
ReplyDeleteA beautiful, bittersweet testimony. That was a tough Christmas in many ways, but God knew the great life lessons we all needed. Ellianna's name is as perfect as she is. We are blessed beyond measure! Elli's mom is a woman of character and beauty beyond everything we prayed for in a wife for our son.
ReplyDeleteWe love you, Sara.
Sara, thanks for sharing. It is amazing to read people's stories and feel their pain. I too wondered why I was not being blessed with a child before we were finally able to conceive RJ (with the help of several tries at In-Vitro Fertilization), and realized that had it happened at any other time it wouldn't have been right, and God knew what was right for us. I too suffered a miscarriage about 3 years ago after one last attempt at IVF, and although I would love to have another, I am quite content with the precious angel that God has given me. I am so happy that you have been blessed with little Elli, and seeing your pics and video is fantastic! Hope you guys are doing well! Julie Mobley
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