Think Before You Critique

 Receiving helpful criticism from Mrs. Ditty

I am by nature a critical person. Add to that being an all-knowing, confident oldest child and studying to be a therapist in college where I honed my observation and analytical skills, and you have a world class critic. I can tell you what's wrong with any person, situation, or system. In this society where everyone has an opinion and thanks to social media platforms everyone has a voice, we have come to believe that everyone has a right to criticize. Now, the truth is that everyone can criticize openly and freely, but the question is, should we.

Criticism is a tricky thing. I have benefited from helpful criticism that was intended for my good and growth, that was delivered carefully and deliberately by people who had earned a place of respect in my life, people who had spent infinitely more time delivering encouragement and affirmation. This kind of criticism when given and received well can be invaluable, and I am grateful for the mentors in my life who took the time to thoughtfully walk that tight rope to make me better.

Then there is another kind of criticism that is far more common and much less helpful. This criticism requires no skill or expertise and comes from a place of egocentricity. I have received plenty of this as well. This kind of criticism is not life-giving, growth-producing, or beneficial but is instead joy-stealing and destructive. In fact, it can take the wind right out of my sails. I find myself either extremely defensive or crushed but never better because of the encounter. After a recent conversation of this type, I walked away wondering if the other party felt better. I walked away feeling sad and wondering why I even bothered working so hard, if my effort mattered. I am certain that was not what they intended or desired.

So my exhortation to all of us critics is this, consider what can be gained before you critique. Do you have truly helpful information, words or advice that will give the other person something of value, or are you just making sure you feel validated and vindicated? Does your criticism have the potential to do more good than damage? Have you considered the relational cost of your criticism? Is it worth the improvements that may or may not result from your thoughts? If speaking up will only make you "feel better," I encourage you (and myself) to be mature and self-controlled enough to just keep it to yourself. You will be a better person for it, and you will probably benefit from the enthusiasm and joy you don't rob from those around you.