Think Before You Critique

Receiving helpful criticism from Mrs. Ditty

I am by nature a critical person. Add to that being an all-knowing, confident oldest child and studying to be a therapist in college where I honed my observation and analytical skills, and you have a world class critic. I can tell you what's wrong with any person, situation, or system. In this society where everyone has an opinion and thanks to social media platforms everyone has a voice, we have come to believe that everyone has a right to criticize. Now, the truth is that everyone can criticize openly and freely, but the question is, should we.

Criticism is a tricky thing. I have benefited from helpful criticism that was intended for my good and growth, that was delivered carefully and deliberately by people who had earned a place of respect in my life, people who had spent infinitely more time delivering encouragement and affirmation. This kind of criticism when given and received well can be invaluable, and I am grateful for the mentors in my life who took the time to thoughtfully walk that tight rope to make me better.

Then there is another kind of criticism that is far more common and much less helpful. This criticism requires no skill or expertise and comes from a place of egocentricity. I have received plenty of this as well. This kind of criticism is not life-giving, growth-producing, or beneficial but is instead joy-stealing and destructive. In fact, it can take the wind right out of my sails. I find myself either extremely defensive or crushed but never better because of the encounter. After a recent conversation of this type, I walked away wondering if the other party felt better. I walked away feeling sad and wondering why I even bothered working so hard, if my effort mattered. I am certain that was not what they intended or desired.

So my exhortation to all of us critics is this, consider what can be gained before you critique. Do you have truly helpful information, words or advice that will give the other person something of value, or are you just making sure you feel validated and vindicated? Does your criticism have the potential to do more good than damage? Have you considered the relational cost of your criticism? Is it worth the improvements that may or may not result from your thoughts? If speaking up will only make you "feel better," I encourage you (and myself) to be mature and self-controlled enough to just keep it to yourself. You will be a better person for it, and you will probably benefit from the enthusiasm and joy you don't rob from those around you.

Comments

Foreigners to Family

When Matt and I were dating, I casually made the comment one evening that if he wanted a big family like his own (he's the oldest of five), then we probably weren't the right match. I have one sister, and at the time, I considered two to be the perfect number of children for any family. Since I knew everything in my twenties, no one would have been able to convince me otherwise. Matt sweetly responded that two kids sounded good to him. Today, as five precious little girls get into my mini-van in the school car line, I wonder what God thought then. Did He laugh at my small dreams or just shake His head at my ignorance? Fifteen years ago, if you had told us that God would take us on a roller coaster adventure of infertility, ministry, and parenthood that would ultimately lead to a home filled with five little ladies between the ages of five and nine, I don't know if we would have laughed or cried. However, here we sit, a year into our foster parenting adventure the bi...

Too Many Choices

Photo by Mozart Do you remember the show "Clean Sweep"? A team with a goofy construction pro, a dramatic designer, a hard-nosed organizer, and an over-the-top host would enter a family's home and convince them to get rid of the majority of the "junk" in a room with the promise of a new, better room. At first, it was a humorous show with playful banter and a few tears, but as time went on, America began to realize that some of these people had problems, big problems, that could not be solved in two days on site and a 30 minute television show. Fast forward a few years, and now there is a clinically diagnosed anxiety disorder called hoarding and much darker, more serious shows "Hoarders" and "Hoarding: Buried Alive". I have a close family member, who if she consented to psychological help, would no doubt be diagnosed with this disorder. As I considered her history, her life that led to this place where she is completely obsessed and co...

Top Five Reasons Moms Love WinShape

Moms all over the nation love WinShape Camps for Communities. I am one of those moms. Five years ago as the mom of two preschoolers, I began volunteering at the Madison, AL WinShape Camp. My oldest daughter spent the next four years waiting anxiously to participate in camp herself. Last summer her chance finally arrived. My little “jellyfish” (her Team Time name) truly did have the summer of a lifetime, and I went from being a community leader who loved WinShape to a mom who loves this opportunity for my daughter. Here are the top five reasons I think moms love WinShape. #5 Say “No” to Boredom By the end of the summer, the kids are wrinkly from all the time spent at the pool, their Netflix ques are exhausted, and you are weary from all those trips to the park. The kids need to change things up a bit and so does Mom! There is no time for boredom at WinShape. Each moment of your child’s day is thoughtfully designed to give them new, fun, and exciting experiences. “I’m bor...

God Has Answered

Search This Blog