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Nurturing Hacks for the Naturally Non-Nurturing


Today is my second anniversary as a foster mom. So far I have not been showered with balloons or congratulatory cards. Honestly, I didn't notice the significance of the date until someone asked me yesterday how long I had been a foster parent, but since I have now made the connection I will choose to celebrate the milestone after all. Perhaps a venti latte is in my future. 

Even Minecraft can't occupy my girls long enough for me share everything I have learned in the past two years, but I would like to share some practical, easy "hacks" I am currently implementing to improve my nurturing skills. Parenting kids from hard places is different than parenting healthy, typically developing kids who have always had reliable caregivers. My bio girls have faired fine with what I have learned is my dismissive parenting, because I have consistently shown up and provided care, my presence, and my affection. If I happen to be one of those moms that tells her child to "brush it off" when she falls off her bike, it probably won't significantly affect her emotional development or our relationship. However, for a child that has had unstable and unreliable caregivers, that bike accident needs to be met with consistent nurturing and care. This does not come naturally to me. Even so, I am not excused from growing, changing, and trying. 

Last month, I made a commitment to provide care and nurturing for even the most "trivial" injuries. In order to set myself up for success amidst the craziness that is our home, I spent a few minutes coming up with easy ways to counteract my naturally dismissive inclination when the needs outnumber my available hands. 

  • First, I put fun, kid bandaids everywhere. I have a baggie in my purse, the car, the kitchen cabinet, the pool bag, and the bathroom. All boos-boos get bandaids, even if there is no blood and even if the boo-boo was the result of a foolish choice or disobedience or is actually a mosquito bite. If it's a boo-boo in the child's mind, I offer to put a bandaid on it. 
  • Second, I bought a couple of cute little penguin-shaped boo-boo ice packs. These are offered for being too hot, headaches, smashed fingers, and anything else a bandaid might not fix. 
  • Lastly, I keep peppermint and lavender essential oils and sugar-free gum in the house and the car for upset tummies or worried minds. Deep-breathing and chewing on something sweet are easy ways to offer care for the "inside hurts" of my little people.  

The truth is, my kids, even the ones from hard places, don't usually need me to fix boo-boos, worries, or hurts. However, they do need me to acknowledge the boo-boos and care that they exist. I believe there is hope for growth even for a sometimes dismissive mommy like me and so what if it takes a few safeguards, shortcuts, or hacks to get me there.  

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